Wham, Bam.....

I’m not very good in bed. Actually, it’s not that I’m not good, its that I don’t last that long. It’s OK when you’re 17. “Oh, you only lasted 3 minutes. Isn’t that cute.” Well, it’s not cute anymore. This is a problem every guy has at first. I don’t think women realize how tough it is for us guys when we first start having sex. At that age, all we think about is sex but when we first start having sex all we’re told to help us last longer is to think about something else, like baseball or whatever. My mind is like sex, sex, sex and then finally I’m having sex and suddenly its “ Will Cal Ripken ever get hurt? Die Hard is a great movie. I wonder if the A-Team is on tonight.” So the only time we’re not thinking about sex is when we’re having sex. It’s very confusing. It got to the point that I was thinking about sex so much that I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I was having sex just so my mind could think about other things. I was having sex just so I could get shit done. I’ve got a book report to do. Whose gonna do me? I need to study for my Spanish test. I need a blow job! But after a while that stops working. I’m still finishing quickly, I’m just thinking about weird shit when I do. I’m climaxing thinking about algebra. I solved for X and X = 3 minutes. X = disappointment. X = I’ll never see her naked again. Wham, Bam, I’m sorry Mam.



This all brings us to today, 500 satisfied women later give or take 493 women and satisfied. Rather than go through the trouble of actually lasting longer, now I just spin my sexual efficiency a little better. Allow me to explain. I last three minutes, girl is bitter. I tell girl I would last longer but I’m so attracted to you. I think you’re so hot. I love your smile, your eyes, everything about you. I think you’re the most wonderful, special girl I’ve ever met. You’re intelligent, funny, honest, sweet, caring and simply amazing. Everything about you turns me on. I can’t imagine lasting any longer because of how much you turn me on. Girl says, “Wow, are you really that turned on by me?” I say, “Of course baby. What, do I think I’m 17 or something?” Girl says, “But my last boyfriend could go all night.” I say, “Well, he didn’t love you like I do. He thought you were fat.” Now girl is excited and turned on by how quick I am with her. She’s actually trying to make me finish quicker. If I get real drunk one night and make it to 5 minutes girl thinks something’s wrong. “Am I getting fat? Do you not love me anymore? Is there someone else?” Now I’m buying girl flowers. “I’m sorry for almost satisfying you baby. It will never happen again. Love, Johnny Come Early.” Wham, Bam, Your Welcome Mam!



Now ladies, if you’re reading this thinking that bullshit would never work on me, there’s only one way to find out. And if there happen to be any women out there that would’ve considered having sex with me but now won’t after having read about my lack of stamina, well, don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. God Speed.