New and Improved Stereotypes
Its time for some new stereotypes people. Its 2006 and I'm tired of hearing the same old same old. You know, black people love chicken, all Asians knows Karate, white guys cant jump and guys named Rob are great in bed. Its time we start propagating some new shit. If they make sense to you, great. If not, who fuckin cares? Read and then please begin to use these stereotypes in your everyday life. Spread the word people.
1. Black people can’t see rainbows. I don't remember any black people in The Wizard of Oz. Have you ever seen a black Leprechaun? Of course you haven’t because black people can’t see rainbows. It is declared.
2. Asians don't like Ketchup. Have you ever seen a bottle of Heinz 57 at a Chinese Restaurant? Of course you haven't. While dining at PF Changs, you've never heard anyone utter the question, "Can you please pass the ketchup?" Mustard? Yes. Soy sauce? Yes. Duck sauce? Yes. Ketchup? Hell no! What, ketchup isn't good enough for General Tso? Fuck General Tso! I call bullshit.
3. White girls can't parallel park. Be honest here. Lets say your life depends on who can parallel park the best. Who ya going to take between Stevie Wonder, an epileptic monkey, a drunk, retarded midget with one arm and a white girl? The answer is of course, anybody but Sally or Becky or insert any white girl name.
4. Jews can't draw. They can withdraw cash like a motherfucker but they can't actually draw anything. You'll never see an art Professor named Feinstein.
5. All Hispanics snore. Every last one of them. Why do you think Edward Norton left Salma Hayek? He knew he was never going to get anyone hotter but he also knew he wasn’t going to ever get any damn sleep lying next Buzz Saw every night. Being stuck in a hotel room with Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine while they sleep will actually make you wish you were stuck at a Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine concert. Nuff said.
1. Black people can’t see rainbows. I don't remember any black people in The Wizard of Oz. Have you ever seen a black Leprechaun? Of course you haven’t because black people can’t see rainbows. It is declared.
2. Asians don't like Ketchup. Have you ever seen a bottle of Heinz 57 at a Chinese Restaurant? Of course you haven't. While dining at PF Changs, you've never heard anyone utter the question, "Can you please pass the ketchup?" Mustard? Yes. Soy sauce? Yes. Duck sauce? Yes. Ketchup? Hell no! What, ketchup isn't good enough for General Tso? Fuck General Tso! I call bullshit.
3. White girls can't parallel park. Be honest here. Lets say your life depends on who can parallel park the best. Who ya going to take between Stevie Wonder, an epileptic monkey, a drunk, retarded midget with one arm and a white girl? The answer is of course, anybody but Sally or Becky or insert any white girl name.
4. Jews can't draw. They can withdraw cash like a motherfucker but they can't actually draw anything. You'll never see an art Professor named Feinstein.
5. All Hispanics snore. Every last one of them. Why do you think Edward Norton left Salma Hayek? He knew he was never going to get anyone hotter but he also knew he wasn’t going to ever get any damn sleep lying next Buzz Saw every night. Being stuck in a hotel room with Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine while they sleep will actually make you wish you were stuck at a Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine concert. Nuff said.
posted by Rob Maher at 11:47 PM
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