ABC Family?
Friday night I was flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch when I came upon Misery. Misery is a great movie but what I found odd was that it was playing on ABC Family. That’s right, ABC Family. I guess nothing says family like Kathy Bates, in horrifyingly gruesome fashion, breaking James Cann’s ankles with a sledgehammer. As if that wasn’t enough, every commercial break had promos for another Stephen King movie that was coming on the next day, It. I can just see the family now, “Hey kids gather around the TV. Stephen King’s “It” is coming on. You’re going to love it little Sarah and little Timmy. It’s about a clown that kills children. You won’t sleep well for a month and you’ll never be able to enjoy the carnival again. Hopefully tomorrow night ABC Family will be showing Jodie Foster’s “The Accused” for I know how much Mom and Granny love a good gang rape tale. Thank God for ABC Family.”
I realize that it’s Halloween so horror movies are going to be on a lot but come on! You’re ABC Family. Family is in the name of your channel! Out of curiosity, I went and looked at what was on HBO Family and discovered that HBO actually understands what the word family means. While ABC family was showing a movie about torture and murder, HBO Family was showing Duma, the tale of an orphaned Cheetah who becomes the best friend and pet of a young boy living in South Africa. That’s right, HBO, the network that has brought us such classics as Real Sex 1-47, Taxi Cab Confessions, Pornucopia and Cat House showed on its family channel, a movie about the love beteween a boy and his pet. ABC on the other hand, a network that has brought us Growing Pains, Good Morning America and Extreme Makeover Home Edition showed on its family channel a block of movies about death, torture and the terrorozing of children. I guess if “Duma” ever gets shown on ABC Family, rather than the Cheetah becoming the boy’s best friend and pet, the Cheetah will maul the child and his entire family.
I think that what we’ve all learned here is that ABC stands for Always Be Cilling. Yes, I know Killing is spelled wrong but if you are dumb enough to think a movie about a clown murdering children is family programming then you are dumb enough to spell Killing wrong.
I realize that it’s Halloween so horror movies are going to be on a lot but come on! You’re ABC Family. Family is in the name of your channel! Out of curiosity, I went and looked at what was on HBO Family and discovered that HBO actually understands what the word family means. While ABC family was showing a movie about torture and murder, HBO Family was showing Duma, the tale of an orphaned Cheetah who becomes the best friend and pet of a young boy living in South Africa. That’s right, HBO, the network that has brought us such classics as Real Sex 1-47, Taxi Cab Confessions, Pornucopia and Cat House showed on its family channel, a movie about the love beteween a boy and his pet. ABC on the other hand, a network that has brought us Growing Pains, Good Morning America and Extreme Makeover Home Edition showed on its family channel a block of movies about death, torture and the terrorozing of children. I guess if “Duma” ever gets shown on ABC Family, rather than the Cheetah becoming the boy’s best friend and pet, the Cheetah will maul the child and his entire family.
I think that what we’ve all learned here is that ABC stands for Always Be Cilling. Yes, I know Killing is spelled wrong but if you are dumb enough to think a movie about a clown murdering children is family programming then you are dumb enough to spell Killing wrong.
posted by Rob Maher at 11:27 PM
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