My Cell Phone Sounds Like Shit.
I flushed my cell phone down the toilet. I'm not speaking metaphorically here; I actually flushed my cell phone down the toilet. Allow me to explain. I'm teaching my driver improvement class this past Saturday. I am a horrible teacher and spend most of my time playing a video and then leaving the room. I do however, attempt to get back to class before the video is over with. I am a bad teacher but I'm not a total fuck up. So I have about 6 minutes to go until the videos over and I need to get back to class when I start to feel some rumblings in the stomach. I'm by no means a fan of using public bathrooms to do that deed but I am less a fan of shitting my pants. I would have preferred to wait until after the video was up and just given the class a break but my stomach was not in the mood to wait. So I venture into the bathroom to take care of business, all the while checking my cell phone to see how much time I have left, I don't wear a watch. Since I kept checking my phone this meant it wasn't securely in my jeans pocket but on the edge, not completely buried in the pocket. You probably see where this is going. I finish doing what I have to do with about a minute to spare. Mission accomplished. I dismount and turn to flush the toilet. I guess I dont stick the landing for as I turn towards the toilet my cell phone flies out of my pocket and into the toilet/its vile grave. He shoots he scores! Goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in a state of shock at first. I stare at my phone just inches away from me but miles to go before sleep. I have to get back to class in a matter of seconds so I have to act quickly. If I was at home I could have maybe found something to pull it out of the water and then taken my time washing it off and cleaning it with the hopes of salvaging it. But I'm not at home and have no home toilet advantage. My cell might as well have been wearing a Redskins jersey floating in Cowboys toilet. I was shit out of luck. Pun intended. I decide the only option is to end it. Dead cell phone floating! With much dismay I flush the toilet and with it I flush my cell phone, all the numbers inside it and all numbers I could have acquired with that phone down the drain.
Some might say it's a metaphor for me moving on with my life and meeting new people or maybe the lesson here is, I should just wear a watch. I prefer to blame everything on the handicapped stall. The only stall in the bathroom was a handicapped stall so dont hate on me for using a handicapped stall when Im not handicapped. Me not being handicapped is debatable by the way but that's a subject for another blog. The point is I was only in the handicapped stall because that was the only stall available. And the extra room in the handicapped stall allowed me to turn towards the toilet with enough momentum thus flinging my cell phone out of my pocket and into the Sea of Stankquility. In a regular stall I would not had enough room to turn with such force. My cell phone would have lived to have roaming charges another day.
Unfortunately for me, that's not the case. I guess it was karma in the end. For years I've made fun of the handicapped and called my cell phone a piece of shit. Payback's a bitch
I am in a state of shock at first. I stare at my phone just inches away from me but miles to go before sleep. I have to get back to class in a matter of seconds so I have to act quickly. If I was at home I could have maybe found something to pull it out of the water and then taken my time washing it off and cleaning it with the hopes of salvaging it. But I'm not at home and have no home toilet advantage. My cell might as well have been wearing a Redskins jersey floating in Cowboys toilet. I was shit out of luck. Pun intended. I decide the only option is to end it. Dead cell phone floating! With much dismay I flush the toilet and with it I flush my cell phone, all the numbers inside it and all numbers I could have acquired with that phone down the drain.
Some might say it's a metaphor for me moving on with my life and meeting new people or maybe the lesson here is, I should just wear a watch. I prefer to blame everything on the handicapped stall. The only stall in the bathroom was a handicapped stall so dont hate on me for using a handicapped stall when Im not handicapped. Me not being handicapped is debatable by the way but that's a subject for another blog. The point is I was only in the handicapped stall because that was the only stall available. And the extra room in the handicapped stall allowed me to turn towards the toilet with enough momentum thus flinging my cell phone out of my pocket and into the Sea of Stankquility. In a regular stall I would not had enough room to turn with such force. My cell phone would have lived to have roaming charges another day.
Unfortunately for me, that's not the case. I guess it was karma in the end. For years I've made fun of the handicapped and called my cell phone a piece of shit. Payback's a bitch
posted by Rob Maher at 1:18 PM
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