10 Random Thoughts 2.0
1. Why do people say "I'm probably dating myself here when I say this but....." As if I don't have a general idea how old you are already. Like I thought you were only 25 but then you tell me about how you voted for Carter and I'm supposed to be like, "Wow, you're in your 40s? The gray hair, wife, minivan and the four kids you have ranging from 5 to 17 didn't clue me in at all."
2. I hate people that have that Blue Tooth Cell phone thing that wraps around your ear. Are you that fucking busy that you dont mind looking like an idiot? If you're getting 100 calls a day I understand the need for it but beyond that get a life. All you do is end up looking like someone who's trying to look cool and down with everything new.
3. I hate anyone who reads that and calls me a hater. You're an idiot and you'll never realize why. You know who else would have been labeled a hater? People who were against things like the Earth being flat, Slavery, Hitler, the Berlin Wall, New Coke, Milli Vanilli, Star Jones, Carson Daly and Basic Instinct 2. Hating has its place. Realize!
4. You only live once. I don't understand the way people use that theory in their life. People always say, "You only live once" right before they're about to do something crazy like do their 10th shot of Tequila or bungee jump or have sex with me. My thinking is that if you truly only live once, shouldnt you be more careful with your life? Shouldnt you be like, "You only live once. I better eat that apple. You only live once. I should get to bed early."
5. Perfectionists are just people with low self esteem. If you can't be proud of something you created thats only 95% perfect then you've got some issues. Sure, we all strive for perfection but perfection is a pipe dream. It doesn't fucking exist! If you need something to be perfect to sleep at night then you are perfectly fucked.
6. Thus far, I feel this has been a perfect blog.
7. They say 40 is the new 30. That's cool and all but I think we need to talk about how 14 is the new 18. These girls today not only have breasts by the time they're 14, they also have the pierced nipples, the Kama Sutra memorized and the older sister who waxes poetic about her love of the taste of cum. Call it sexual inflation, I don't care. Whatever you call it, I have a High School girl to fuck. If only 5 inches were the new 8 inches.
8. I've been drinking that Vitamin Water stuff a lot here recently. I think it's because the word Vitamin is so powerful. If you put Vitamin in front of something it will sell. Vitamin Beer, Vitamin Bacon, Vitamin Brownies, Vitamin Heroine, etc..... Maybe I should change my myspace name to Vitamin Rob. I'm funny and good for you.
9. What are people doing at the bank drive thru that takes so fucking long? The drive thru window is for two things: depositing money and withdrawing money. Sometimes you can do both at the same time. This should take like one minute, two minutes tops. Yet I always get behind the moron who thinks the drive thru is the place to be applying for a Home Equity Loan or for opening up a new account at the bank or for getting coin wrappers and then proceeding to wrap $276 worth of nickels and pennies while still at the fucking drive thru window!!!! Stop with the 7-minute extended banking remix. I want the Radio edit dammit!
10. Isnt it time Keyboards start coming with an @ button? @ shouldnt have to share with the measly 2. @ deserves its very own button. ` has a button. * has its own button. Meanwhile poor little, used 150 times a day @ is sitting in the back of the bus secluded from the other buttons. Where;s the Rosa Parks for @? And if @ gets its own button, www. and .com should as well. Right now to type in www.robmaher.com you have to hit 16 buttons. And to email me at RobMaher@gmail.com you have to hit 19 buttons. If @ got its own button and www. and .com got its own button www.RobMaher.com would only take 10 buttons and RobMaher@gmail.com would only take 16 buttons. That;s a total savings of 9 buttons. The less time we spend hitting buttons, the more time we could spend getting our work done or more realistically looking at porn. The point is, time is money. So if we save time we save money. So with all the money well be saving we could solve some of the worlds problems. With the press of a button, no more Aids in Africa. And to think, if www.RobMaher.com was its own button and RobMaher@gmail.com was its very own button, gas would be down to a buck a gallon. Somebody notify Al Gore.
2. I hate people that have that Blue Tooth Cell phone thing that wraps around your ear. Are you that fucking busy that you dont mind looking like an idiot? If you're getting 100 calls a day I understand the need for it but beyond that get a life. All you do is end up looking like someone who's trying to look cool and down with everything new.
3. I hate anyone who reads that and calls me a hater. You're an idiot and you'll never realize why. You know who else would have been labeled a hater? People who were against things like the Earth being flat, Slavery, Hitler, the Berlin Wall, New Coke, Milli Vanilli, Star Jones, Carson Daly and Basic Instinct 2. Hating has its place. Realize!
4. You only live once. I don't understand the way people use that theory in their life. People always say, "You only live once" right before they're about to do something crazy like do their 10th shot of Tequila or bungee jump or have sex with me. My thinking is that if you truly only live once, shouldnt you be more careful with your life? Shouldnt you be like, "You only live once. I better eat that apple. You only live once. I should get to bed early."
5. Perfectionists are just people with low self esteem. If you can't be proud of something you created thats only 95% perfect then you've got some issues. Sure, we all strive for perfection but perfection is a pipe dream. It doesn't fucking exist! If you need something to be perfect to sleep at night then you are perfectly fucked.
6. Thus far, I feel this has been a perfect blog.
7. They say 40 is the new 30. That's cool and all but I think we need to talk about how 14 is the new 18. These girls today not only have breasts by the time they're 14, they also have the pierced nipples, the Kama Sutra memorized and the older sister who waxes poetic about her love of the taste of cum. Call it sexual inflation, I don't care. Whatever you call it, I have a High School girl to fuck. If only 5 inches were the new 8 inches.
8. I've been drinking that Vitamin Water stuff a lot here recently. I think it's because the word Vitamin is so powerful. If you put Vitamin in front of something it will sell. Vitamin Beer, Vitamin Bacon, Vitamin Brownies, Vitamin Heroine, etc..... Maybe I should change my myspace name to Vitamin Rob. I'm funny and good for you.
9. What are people doing at the bank drive thru that takes so fucking long? The drive thru window is for two things: depositing money and withdrawing money. Sometimes you can do both at the same time. This should take like one minute, two minutes tops. Yet I always get behind the moron who thinks the drive thru is the place to be applying for a Home Equity Loan or for opening up a new account at the bank or for getting coin wrappers and then proceeding to wrap $276 worth of nickels and pennies while still at the fucking drive thru window!!!! Stop with the 7-minute extended banking remix. I want the Radio edit dammit!
10. Isnt it time Keyboards start coming with an @ button? @ shouldnt have to share with the measly 2. @ deserves its very own button. ` has a button. * has its own button. Meanwhile poor little, used 150 times a day @ is sitting in the back of the bus secluded from the other buttons. Where;s the Rosa Parks for @? And if @ gets its own button, www. and .com should as well. Right now to type in www.robmaher.com you have to hit 16 buttons. And to email me at RobMaher@gmail.com you have to hit 19 buttons. If @ got its own button and www. and .com got its own button www.RobMaher.com would only take 10 buttons and RobMaher@gmail.com would only take 16 buttons. That;s a total savings of 9 buttons. The less time we spend hitting buttons, the more time we could spend getting our work done or more realistically looking at porn. The point is, time is money. So if we save time we save money. So with all the money well be saving we could solve some of the worlds problems. With the press of a button, no more Aids in Africa. And to think, if www.RobMaher.com was its own button and RobMaher@gmail.com was its very own button, gas would be down to a buck a gallon. Somebody notify Al Gore.
posted by Rob Maher at 11:10 PM
1 comments
